Pushing the Green Button...

Someday, not so far into the future, man will create android humans who will perform the menial tasks that humanity considered too low on the thought scale to perform. But somehow, Mollie felt, they’ll be able to program them to surrogate human compassion and empathy and sympathy. But what will actually be programmed into them will be mere words and phrases that children and adults wanted to hear throughout the centuries and these spoken in a soft voice devoid of anger and accusation. Words spoken kindly like, ‘there, there, tomorrow’s another day’ or ‘hey, I’m here, I’ll always be here for you’ or just ‘I know’. Perhaps they’ve already produced them, the patent established and the assembly line up and ready to roll. Mollie would be the first to press the green button. ~ Wounded Birds

Wayne Dyer once wrote that mental institutions are full because of lack of supportive relationships. People grow up in dysfunctional families with huge issues of self-esteem; hence the inability to form other healthy relationships due to poor choices. And yet, if these people had been told from the beginning they were 'okay', with a warm pat on the back, how full would be those places?

Hungry for crumbs of appreciation, many of us become pleasers and placators. Then, others' opinions are more valid, others' problems more pressing than ours. Still others resort to bullying or bragging behaviors, standing on others' necks to appear taller. But both types are the same: victims of the same emptiness, never really knowing how to fill the hollow place inside.

And yet, what difference would words of kindness make? Random words falling on ready ears and into open hearts. A compliment out of the blue as a balm for a wounded psyche. Really, so little effort for so big a difference. Do you think then that the pleaser would need to please and the braggart need to brag?

The great thing about spreading good words is that they have this funny habit of rebounding back to the sender like a boomerang. By slowly programing what comes out of our mouths, being aware of cause and effect, we certainly won't need a robot to do the job on our behalf.

Press the green button and see what happens.

The Monster Within

In my book, the main character Mollie talks with her high school friend, Angie, about 'fighting cruel'. Angie misunderstands her, at first, until Mollie clarifies that she is not talking about dealing with others' cruelty but with her own. Angie is shocked because, as far as she's concerned Mollie is perfect in every way. But it's not about outer behavior but inner.

Many who behave to the world at large in a benign and understated manner, constantly act out cruel in their imagination. In their minds they kick the cat, gripe at the cashier, snipe at their significant others, smash the phone down on tele-callers or slam the door on Jehovah's Witnesses. But they never do this in reality. Those 'brave' enough do this, do this. Those who fight the 'monster within' suffer unduly because they refuse to act on these baser desires even though situations arise where it might be warranted.

Mollie tells Angie she feels she is stronger than her supercilious husband, his bitchy lover and others who act out unkind behaviors and then neatly justify them after. She is aware that she is secretly mocked for being passive-aggressive but also knows she maintains an edge over others because she never gives way, would rather suffer inwardly than have to live with the effects of cruelty.

Since this is something many of us have wrestled with, struggling to evolve in this life, I decided to include it as one of the themes in my book. Because, don't we wonder if it's worth it to constantly fight our cruelty, to even bypass the chance of on-the-spot verbal retaliation with no real tangible or intangible reward? What's the payoff? None really but it still begs the big question: how would we feel afterward? Will acting or re-acting cruel be another burden to bear tomorrow and the day after and so on? Momentarily we may kick ourselves silly for missing the chance of a sarcastic slam followed by the superior afterglow but then what? We still have to look in the mirror every day, take stock, never justify. And yes,I've learned that the enemy of truth is self-justification.

Later in the book, Mollie pictures herself tweaking another woman's breast, or pushing over an old person and wonders what that would be like, doing it and what would be the reaction. She thinks that's what dementia and Alzheimer's is all about; finally the gate flies open and we stampede crazy, like cattle being let out of the pen. Free to say anything we want, to shed our clothes and run the streets, kick someone who irritates us or doesn't irritate us, to ignore our family members, to call them nasty names or hum loudly through a movie. All these impulses finally released. And our justification is that we're old and/or crazy. Wow.

There must be a balance, though. Perhaps instead of blasting someone or swallowing the anger and suffering inwardly, we can respond as calmly and truthfully as possible. By telling the JW's that sorry, you are not interested and have a nice day and the same with the telemarketers. As to family and friends, I've actually learned how to toss the ball in their court by asking them an honest question. One example is, "Are you trying to hurt my feelings?" or "How important is it for you to be right?" or "Look, do you think this is the time to discuss something like this, when one of us is feeling a bit volatile/sensitive/touchy/out of sorts?" You'd be surprised at the honest response you'd get, and how many would actually apologize, back off and even re-examine their motives. Because it is all about motives and agendas.

And what's in charge of self-serving agendas? Our egos. The engine driving the monster.